My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
