I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
