Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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