I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
