I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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