i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
