Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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