Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
