Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
