if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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