Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
