She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
