Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
