woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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