she was so not down for the gang bang
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
