A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
