I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
