giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
