The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You need a sexual gate keeper
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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