there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
