Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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