highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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