I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
