The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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