I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
