we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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