When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
