before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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