i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
