it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
