There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
