your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
