But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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