my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
