; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
