guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
