I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
