I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
