i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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