My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
