bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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