Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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