this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
