keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
