i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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