not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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