question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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