I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
