Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
