You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
