You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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