I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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