think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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