i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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